Realization
by jls-3887
Summary: Major OotP spoilers! "Realization is the hardest part of loss..."


Authors Notes: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling! The lyrics to the  
song is from The Scientist by Coldplay.  
  
Realization  
  
"The realization is more painful than the visual of it all; I can sit here for hours and remember the way it looked when he fell through the veil. I can remember hearing the screams behind me, and Lupin pulling me back. I can remember sitting in my dorm looking at the mirror, so angry that I hadn't used it before.  
  
But now, I'm sitting in my room, alone. It's dark outside and there is a small breeze wafting through, but only I can feel it. My chest is cold and my heart feels heavier than boulders; it's frozen." Harry wrote on a piece of parchment. Tear drops wetted the paper as he pushed away from the desk. He went back to sit on his bed and drew the blankets up around his head, and stared out the window, wishing for a visitor. Wishing for someone, anyone. He had never felt anything so disgusting before in his life, and it made him want to vomit, again.  
  
A knock came at the door. "Harry?" He then remember he wasn't at the Dursley's but didn't want to talk to anyone at Grimmauld's Place. He didn't think he could. "Harry, please open the door."  
  
"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry  
  
You don't know how lovely you are"  
  
He took his glasses off and pulled the blankets over his head and tried to sleep. "Harry! Let me in!" Harry sighed and wiped the tears from his eyes and kicked his shoes off as he put the pillow over his head. He heard the door unlock at a "Alohomora!", and then it creaked open. It shut quickly, and he heard footsteps, creaking, towards him.  
  
"I had to find you  
  
Tell you I need you  
  
Tell you I set you apart"  
  
He felt someone standing next to his bed, but didn't care. "Harry?" He felt someone kneel down and crouch beside him, one hand on the nightstand and one on his bed. He pulled the blankets off of his head and peered from under the pillow. He met a round face with dark brown eyes and long brown hair: Hermione. "Could you leave?" he said, turning the other way in his bed. She didn't move; he felt it. "Harry, it's been weeks. You can't stay in here forever, don't you just want to— "Talk? Yeah..." he mumbled in the blankets.  
  
"Tell me your secrets  
  
And ask me your questions  
  
Oh let's go back to the start"  
  
Hermione moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Harry sighed and sat up. His hair was all disheveled and his face was wet from tears, his green eyes gleaming through the darkness of the room.  
  
Hermione tried to smile and touch his hand, but he pulled away. Her eyebrows raised and she looked hurt. Harry didn't thought he didn't care, but he really did. "I know that— "No you don't." he said, putting his glasses back on. "Listen to me." She said quietly. "I am so sorry, I..." a tear slid down her cheek and Harry's heart skipped a beat.  
  
"Running in circles  
  
Coming up tails  
  
Heads on a silence apart"  
  
It was so quiet in the room and he realized the window that he stared out of was broken and black from ash and dust. Hermione wept silently, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her shirt sleeve. Harry, feeling guilty, moved closer to her, and put his arm around her.  
  
"I'm sorry, Hermione." He said. He began to hurt more—he was tired of making others hurt. For a second, he thought about the window again, his eyes wide with fear and wonder, and then he felt Hermione's hair brush his face as she turned her head quickly. "No..." she said. Harry's eyebrows furrowed, and looked back at her. Her eyes were full of tears, and she rested her head on his shoulder. They sat that way for a few minutes, and soon Harry felt her move slightly as though she wanted to stand, but he gripped her tighter. She looked over at him, and his eyes filled with tears again. Her mouth opened and he buried his face in her lap. He cried harder than he ever had, and she patted his head, letting her fingers run through his jet black hair.  
  
"Nobody said it was easy  
  
It's such a shame for us to part  
  
Nobody said it was easy  
  
No one ever said it would be this hard"  
  
He didn't want her to leave, ever. And he looked back up at her, her brown eyes shining brighter than ever, and he leaned in and they kissed. It was wet, like Cho's he thought—but they were both crying, and for the same reason. Harry felt his entire body warm up, and he put his arms around her and pulled her closer.  
  
"Oh take me back to the start" 


End file.
